Where is my motivation?

I will go for a run this afternoon... later... probably...

I forced myself to go for one yesterday morning too, which will be two in a weekend. Which is way better than the about four in the last month. But it was hard, and I did more walking than I should really need to.

What has happened? I was doing so well! I was going out for long runs and enjoying it and now suddenly it's all just got hard. I don't understand.

Maybe it's because the weather has got warmer and I get really overheated and fainty. And because running when it's warm is not my favourite that either means I have to get up early (hmm, what?!) or go out around dinner time, which is just a little inconvenient. I love daylight saving and summer, except in terms of exercise.

Or it could be because things got a wee bit busy for a while and I got out of routine with the school holidays and my fitness all just fell off. It does that, which is very discouraging. 

Or it could be because I haven't really been eating properly - the pink small person is really getting into her baking and been making things that I really shouldn't be eating, but really like, such as cinnamon doughnuts. Who could say no when their child offers them a home-made cinnamon doughnut? Not me, either to the child or the doughnut.

And there's also the fact that my gear is getting a bit old, so that there are holes in my shoes behind my heels that rub if I wear the wrong socks, and I may have done that, and got blisters, and then run funny to stop them rubbing any more till I got home, which put my back out just enough to be annoying. O dear, sorry for myself much?

Or it could be because I was so set on the goal I had at the event I did about a month back, and then I just didn't quite get there. 32 seconds of not quite getting there can actually be quite demoralising because surely I could have gone just a little faster earlier on... That has motivated me to go back to the event next year and try again, but it isn't helping right now.

And I do have another event coming up! I am already changing my goals on that one, because I don't know if I can get anywhere near the big goal I had. It doesn't help that the course has changed, so I won't be able to compare really and I don't have any idea if this one will be easier of harder, or just different. But either way, I don't feel the impetus to beat that time that I thought I had.

So where is my motivation? I feel like it has been sucked into the vortex of getting-through-and-doing-the-things and not yet come back out. I'm guessing it will at some point, but I need to have a plan about what to do in the meantime. Yes, if I don't have the mindset, I can at least make a list!

• Diarise a training plan. This is what I will do first. Next. After writing this blog post. If I have a plan of how far I must run and when, I won't schedule other things into that time, because if something is in my diary, then it is real. But if I say that I'll fit the running in around other stuff, then it will never happen, because other stuff always takes longer and there is always more and more of it.

• Reward myself. So if I am not getting an intrinsic reward from getting out there, then I need to think of something else. I haven't got too far down deciding what this might be, but I feel that I should be able to think of something. If you have any suggestions, please comment!

• Give something up. Actually, I am not too sure how much of a viable option this could be, as I think I have already pared back the things that I have committed to, but it's worth doing a reassessment of things, and maybe choosing the easier but less thorough option for getting some of them done. I have already accepted that my study grades will not be as good as I am capable of, but they will be what I deserve given the amount of time I haven't given to them. 

• Remember what the point is. The point is not to be some sort of event-driven creature, but to enjoy myself, to be fit and healthy. And if that means going out for a trot and doing some sightseeing on the way, well actually, that's just fine. I'm thinking this one through as I'm writing it, and it is resonating the most of what I have just written, which tells me that this is probably what I really need to be doing. I don't need to worry about pace per km, I don't need to worry about distance, I don't need to feel guilty if I walk - I just need to go.

So I will. This evening, at dinner time, when it cools down.

And just like that, I feel better about the whole thing, and more motivated again. Yay.

#healthandfitness  #fitnessgoals #motivation